A week before school started, I went back to my parents. I cried on my way back. I already missed my Tia. She made me feel at home.
This wasn’t home.
School started again and it was back to the same old, same old. My mom getting onto me about my grades even though they were good, and my dad staying silent. My mom preaching to me about God at dinner even though I didn’t ask for it, and my dad staying silent. My mom would hit me upside the head when the simplest of things weren’t done the way she wanted.
And my dad staying silent.
I wish he had said something instead of just standing there, but I guess he knew there was no point in arguing with my mom. She always got her way.
One night, when my mom had stopped yelling at me and left me in tears, my dad had dragged me out to his greenhouse. I think he was trying to make me feel better. He had been acting weird lately, talking faster than normal, seemingly about nothing at all. I don’t know. We walked upon rows upon rows of these different flowers and plants and he talked on and on about how they work and what they do and how they reproduce. Stuff I heard before, but enjoyed hearing again. Anything to take my mind off my mom.
My dad brought me to the corner of the greenhouse, saying he wanted to show me this plant he discovered and that he’s been working on. It was in a glass case, like the one in Beauty and the Beast, containing a flower inside. It was an odd looking whirligig, a deep red in the center and the tips of the petals being a bright purple. The center was the odd part because instead of the usual middle part, it was kind of hollow. It kinda looked like a mouth.
My dad talked about how he had a little experiment. He took the seed of the flower and injected it with this liquid chemical he had researched about. Although he had to go through awful trouble to find anything about it, he was able to find a couple documents after searching forever. The name of it was something called Calphecite V. That was an interesting name.
Anyways, he told me that because of this chemical, it grew faster than normal, it took only a couple days for this sucker to blossom. Sure, it came out wrong in specific areas, but it developed something new. He gave me this gas mask.
“Put this on, I’m used to it already, so I don’t need it,” I carefully slipped it on, kinda scared now, but also excited. He took the glass container off slowly and beckoned me closer. I crouched down and he pointed at the mouth-like center.
“This part right here, it kinda works like how mushrooms spread. It has spores that it shoots out from time to time. I’ve never seen anything like this before with a flower,” He pulled me to the side and snapping on a rubber glove, he poked the mouth of the flower and sure enough, it spit out a spore cloud and fell to the ground. Dad swiped some on his finger and put it on one of those things that go under the microscope. He put it under his microscope and had me look through the lens, while still wearing the gas mask of course.
Under the scope, it looked exactly like spores, except for one thing. They moved, as if they were like some microorganisms. But no, they were definitely spores, right? I looked up at my dad, all confused, and he was smiling.
“Weird, right?” I nodded. He told me I could take it off now, and I did. It smelled musty. He told me that this was our secret, not to tell Mom. He also told me not to come in here without him and he sent me back into the house. Mom had gone to bed and I sat in my room, thinking about that whirligig.
I know my Dad told me not to go into the greenhouse without him, but God, I need to see that flower one more time, learn more about it. I came up with my master plan. I would pretend to be asleep and wait for the sound of the door opening, his footsteps, and then finally, his snoring. So, I did, and when I heard that snore, I slowly opened my bedroom door. I tiptoed my way through the house, avoiding the parts that I knew squeaked and made my way into the backyard, where Dad’s greenhouse is at. My heart was beating like crazy, but this was so thrilling.
When I got into the greenhouse, I quickly made my way to the flower. Dad had forgotten to put the glass cover back over it, so it was out in the open. I was so excited. I’m not as big of a nerd about plants as my dad was, but I was still somewhat a nerd. It was just so odd, I had to learn more about it. I sat down on the stool that was in front of it and I just stared at it for a hot minute. I wondered how it would do if it was in the wild, if they populated little parts of the Earth. It has such a weird way of reproducing. Asexual reproduction. I’ve never seen anything like it. I touched the soft petals and examined them closer. Nothing was overly weird for a whirligig, which had some weird petals as is. I moved to the stem. It was thick and had that fuzz covering it that made it soft. I kinda wanted to pick it, but I wasn’t sure.
This whole thing reminded me of that venus flytrap from Little Shop of Horror for some reason. I like that movie. I stared at the center of it, having the urge to just stick my finger in it. Obviously, I knew what would happen, Dad literally showed me, but I think it would be pretty cool if it just bit down. I looked to the side and saw the box of gloves with some goggles right beside it. Why not?
I grabbed a glove quickly and slipped it on with difficulty, along with the goggles. I inched a finger towards the center and with barely touching it, it spitted at my face. I yelped and fell backwards, swatting away the spores. I breathed in them accidentally and I coughed a couple of times. They didn't taste the greatest and it smelled overly sweet. Like strawberry shortcake. It made me lightheaded.
I think that’s enough for me. Still coughing, I pulled the goggles off my face and the glove off my hand. I wiped away the spores on the glasses and threw away the glove and I headed back inside, going to bed. Not before grabbing a glass of water of course.
The next couple of days, I felt strange, almost sick, but not quite? I didn’t have a fever, or a runny nose, or that cough. I just felt bad. My dad had gotten worse with the weird rambling and talking fast and he looked exhausted, he spent most of his time in that greenhouse. Mom even became worried and laid off on me for a bit. That’s when you know it’s serious.
I loved my dad, even though he didn’t stand up for me, I knew he cared about me. Seeing him like that. It scared me. He would talk to me about how the FBI was going to find out about his greenhouse and what he read and they’re going to take him away. That he has proof. That he got a message from them, that they’re spying on him. Mom had him get tested for schizophrenia. He didn’t have it. I guess he was just going crazy.
He got even worse. He never came out of that greenhouse, he wouldn’t come out to eat, not to use the bathroom, not to spend time with his family, nothing, not even if I begged him. I cried sometimes because of it and my mom didn’t call me mean names when I did. I think she understood. I would hear her at night, crying too. I may not have liked her, but I knew that this was hurting her as well. She was losing her husband and I was losing my dad.
It didn’t take long before the madness completely consumed him. He kept a spare gun in that greenhouse. He had used it on himself, ate the bullet. My mom and I heard it and she was the first one to run out there. I heard her chilling scream and I knew what had happened. I was thirteen and I remember what he looked like. It was nothing like how the movies depicted death. He had lost any muscle and fat he had, he was basically transparent and his eyes were wide open. I remember it stunk, like urine and just death. There was a lot of blood and brains I remember and I vomited right then and there. I forgot everything else about that night.
Everyone was there for the funeral, even Tia. Not Irie and Mr. Kehinde, and I was angry. They couldn’t even pay their respects to my dad, who was the kindest person in the world, who helped them when they needed it, who offered a place to stay if things ever went down south, who treated them like family. I was angry, which eventually turned into sadness. I stuck by my mother this time, who had a blank expression the whole time, never letting a tear shed. I let a few slide.
Following my dad’s death, Mom became a really confusing person. I wasn’t sure who she was. She would either stay in bed most of the day, only coming out to pop something in the oven for me to eat or yelling at me for whatever reason. I didn’t take it personal at the time, I knew she was grieving. I just wished she was a little nicer to me in those moments. She also became a bit more physical in those moments. I remember after a particularly one sided fight, she kept punching me in my chest, as I had grown way taller than her, and she yelled about how it should’ve been me instead of him. I cried a lot when she said that
I went into the greenhouse that night and just sat in the middle of it all. Mom and I agreed quietly that we would keep it. Even before he went crazy, he really did love this greenhouse. I liked to just sit there in silence when I needed a break from my mom. This one particular night, I went to that corner of the room. That flower was still there, but since it wasn’t getting the proper care it needed, it was starting to wilt and become weaker. The glass case was on, I wasn’t going to take it off. I just looked at it through the glass. My eyes hurt from the crying. I pulled my eyes away from the flower down to the draw on the table. I always wondered what was inside it. I opened it and just found a lot of junk. That didn’t surprise me one bit. What did surprise me though, was the envelope that was tucked away near the back. I carefully pulled it out and read the messy cursive.
For my daughter, Daphne
I felt my heart leapt. His daughter. Daphne. He knew. With shaky hands, I peeled the envelope open. I figured I’d share with you what he said in the letter.
It said: By the time you read this, I will be long gone. I’m sorry it had to turn out this way, I know you and your mother must be hurting. I’m writing you this letter before I become lost and am just a shell of who I was before. There are some things I haven’t told you about. That flower, it’s dangerous, it’s what’s making me go mad. I don’t know why, but I think it has something to do with the spores. You know that chemical that I infected the seed with? You also know those superheroes you hear about? That chemical is what gives them those powers. And I’m pretty sure those spores can give you powers if you inhale them. I guess I’m just the unlucky few that can’t handle the chemical. I just need you to know that I love you, Daphne. You may be wondering how I know your little secret. I always knew, your Tia just told me the name you like more is all. You deserve to be happy with yourself and your body and I will always support what you want and need to do. I just wish I could stick around to see you become the fine young woman you will be. I’m so proud of you, Daphne, I have always been proud of you. I know your mom has been rough on you, and I know I should have stuck up for you in those moments, for that I’m sorry, but you have never once disappointed me. I’m proud to say that you are a part of me and I’m a part of you. I love you so much and I hate that I’m putting you through this, but it’s too late now. Even if I stopped, it would just end in the same way I know I’m going to be leaving this world. Speaking of that, I want to let you know where my other gun is in the house, since I’m guessing they’re going to take the other one in the greenhouse when I’m gone. Don’t use it unless it’s an emergency, whatever it may be. Your mother doesn’t know where it is and I don’t want you to tell her either. You’re the one that knows how to handle one, I’m the one that taught you, not her. Don’t let her get in possession of it. It’s in the spare closet, the one close to your room, the code to get in the safe is 1423. I love you Daphne, I want you to make it far in life, whatever that takes. I’m so sorry. - Dad
I had tears swell up in my eyes, making it hard to read the letter, but I did. I hate this flower. He was the only other person besides my Tia that knew about who I was and still loved me for me. He was the one that made that house bearable to live in. I was so angry, I wanted to rip that flower apart. And it did just that by itself. With every mean and nasty thought I had towards it, it began to wilt faster and curl into itself. It was nothing but a wrinkled up dead thing by the end of it. That was when it really set in for me. I inhaled its spores. I had some “power” now.
I was too tired and sad to think about it, so I let that be tomorrow’s problem and went inside the house to go to bed only to find my mother sitting in the dining room, looking down at a photograph. She looked up and talked to me in Spanish.
“What were you doing back there?”
I shrugged.
“Just in the greenhouse, checking on the plants,” She nodded and sighed. I realized how much older she looks now that Dad’s gone. She had salt and pepper curly hair and she had some serious wrinkles on her face. She looked tired. I think that was the first and only time I felt bad for her. I made my way to the table and sat beside her, looking at the photograph she was holding.
It was her and Dad on their wedding day, my mom’s belly swollen. My mom looked slightly annoyed with everything and while Dad just looked so happy to be there. He always showed off the gap in his front teeth when he was super happy.
I was born a couple days after their wedding, so they didn’t get much of a honeymoon.
Mom brushed her hands over the photo.
“Y’know…” She began, “I didn’t want to get married or have kids when I was younger. I wanted to go to college. Have this well paying job. I wanted to live alone– with just myself. I wanted to get away from my mother. When your father came along, I thought it’d just be a quick fling. I wasn’t even allowed to date, yet. When I got pregnant, and my parents had me marry him, I swore I’d hate every day of my life.
“He is a good guy, your father. I loved him. But Daphne, if I had the chance to redo everything, I wouldn’t have accepted his offer to go out,” She fell silent and I gulped. That explained a lot. I wringed my hands around and kept looking around the room. This was getting awkward. She grabbed me by my chin and had me look at her. Her eyes were red, it was obvious that she was crying.
“You look just like him.” There wasn’t any tone in her voice. It was like she was speaking a simple fact of life. “I should have never had you. I’m so sorry.”
She got up and headed towards her room, leaving behind the photograph. I stayed in the dining room for a while, looking at it.
I don’t like my mom.
I decided to take the photo and go to bed. As I tucked myself into bed, I thought about my Dad and what he had told me in his letter. Why would he feel the need to tell me where the gun is? The thought made me toss and turn until I eventually dozed off. My sleep didn’t last long.
In the middle of the night, I woke up to the sound of my door opening. I could make out the silhouette of my mother at my door with my blurry eyes. She crept her way over to my bed and she brushed her hand over my cheek. I turned my head to look up at her.
“Mom…what are you doing? Are you okay?” I started to sit up, her hand was shaking while she stroked my cheek. She shushed me and gently pushed me back. She just kept on shushing and humming to me.
“Oh mijo, I appreciate the worry. I would be too, considering what I found in your closet,” my heart dropped and I gulped. Through what little light was given to me from the hall light creeping into my room, she was smiling at me. And not the kind that’s meant to be sweet. I’m screwed. She continued her sweet act.
“Did you get all the makeup and clothes from your auntie?” I was frozen still, I wanted to get out of the situation. I have never wanted to curl up into a ball more and disappear than right now. She grabbed my face with her hand harshly, making me yelp. I forget how strong she is.
“Answer me when I’m talking to you, Daphne. Did she give you all of that?” I nodded as best as I could, her grip was starting to really hurt and I knew it would leave a bruise. Her grip only tightened more with rage and she made her way on top of me. I didn’t know what she was going to do, but I knew that whatever it was, it was not going to be pretty and it was not going to be nice.
“No fucking son of mine is going to pretend to be a doting little sissy, you understand? You fucking faggotl!” That was when she wrapped both her hands around my throat and that’s when I really started to not like my mom. Her hands were harsh around my throat and I tried to wiggle my way out of her grip, gasping for any air I could get. I clawed and clawed at her hands, trying to push her off of me. My brain was going fast and I was starting to get light headed. I suddenly got an idea. Way back when Irie and I would see each other often, we would play wrestle and Irie would always use this special trick that would successfully get me off her, though it hurt a lot. I didn’t care if I hurt Mom right now. Using the palm of my hand, I shoved my hand against her nose and she yelped, falling back on the bed.
I shoved the covers off of me and booked it down the hall to the closet closest to my room. I could hear my mom screaming at me and I felt like throwing up. My hands were shaky as I unlocked the safe, 1423, and grabbed the gun. I was praying that I wouldn’t have to use this. I turned around to look at my room and Mom was coming out quickly, blood dripping down her nose. She yelled at me to come back and I did the exact opposite.
It was like a game of Tag, she would be close to getting me and I would be lucky enough to be faster than her. I was sobbing, it was hard to breathe and I was panicking. I didn’t want to die. I wanted to see Irie one last time and I wanted to live my life. I slammed the backdoor open and I ran to the greenhouse. Mom was right behind me and I backed up against a corner, tears blurring my vision. She stalked towards me, a murderous look was in her eyes. I gripped the gun with fragile hands and I slowly pointed it at her. She stopped and made eye contact with me. I looked right back at her.
“You wouldn’t seriously shoot your mother, I know you won’t,” I sniffled, trying to keep eye contact.
“You wouldn't seriously choke out your kid for something stupid, but here we are,” My voice quivered, but my breathing was starting to kinda turn normal, they were slower now, though more heavy.
“I’m doing what God would want me to do-”
“Bull$hit, you don’t even know your Bible and yet you preach it like you do,” There was a red tint on her brown skin, she was getting more angry. She started to walk towards me more and I turned off the safety, she paused. There was silence and out the corner of my eye, I could see the plants slowly creeping their way towards me. I had forgotten that I got powers now.
I could hear her heavy breathing along with me. That whole time she was chasing after me, I felt like a rabbit being chased by a wolf. And now I feel cornered, stuck on what I should do. I tried to keep my hands steady on the gun, like Dad taught me. I didn’t want to shoot her, but then again, she was literally trying to kill me.
Abruptly, she charged towards me and my fingers pulled the trigger. The bang was loud and my ears rang.
I threw up a lot after that.